Searching
by alexlovesgerard93
Summary: What is Daryl really looking for when he can't find Carol? What's going through his mind? DarylxCarol


_Author's Note: So this is what I imagined must have been going through Daryl's head when Carol was missing and he was alone. Of course, I changed the scene up a bit because, bless my shipper heart, how could I not? I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think. - Alex_

**Searching**

She was really gone. My brain was going crazy as I slaughtered the walkers. No matter how many I stabbed, I couldn't get Carol out of my mind.

How many more would we lose? After Sofia disappeared, everything went downhill for us, and while this usually pessimistic arrow-slinger kept a sour outlook on life, I maintained the most hope. I had to. Carol was a mess and I had to somehow make things better for her.

But here I am, in some shithole of a prison, surrounded by a bunch of dead convicts, missing her. I came for her. I wanted to protect her. When the fuck did I become so pathetic, sobbing over people I would have normally hated if the circumstances were different?

Whatever. That's not the point. Fuck. Scattered footsteps echo in the dark hallway and I lean against the wall and wait. The heavy breathing walkers limp in my direction and I cut the first one's throat, shoving it to the ground. The second one is a little faster, but not faster than my knife entering its skull. "How do you like them apples, asshole?" I laugh and pry my knife out, shoving him against the door.

There's no response to my stupid remark. This fucking place is dead, haunted by everything I fear most. God, I hate prisons. My whole life, I stayed away from them. Merle was arrested a few times, and as his little brother, of course, I'm expected to follow in his shady footsteps. I didn't get much of a chance. By the time the outbreak happened, we became different people. Very different.

I slide to the floor, digging into my pocket to pull out a small picture. It was a picture of Carol and Sofia, smiling and staring into each other's eyes, a beautiful representation of happiness, happiness that doesn't exist anymore. I feel droplets land on my chest and wipe my face. Goddamn it. My tears blur and I don't want to bite my tongue anymore. I start screaming, not giving a single shit if every walker on the face of the planet hears me. I pound my fist into the wall, bruising my knuckles and cracking the wall. I do it over and over again, until the wall is stained with my blood. I lean my head against the door, because I can't stop fucking crying. So I just stop fighting it.

I am a man. I've lost so many people, am I not entitled to this? Can't I catch a break? Lord knows Rick had a mental breakdown, and everyone's opinions were divided when Shane lost his shit. I can't even think clearly. I hear the faintest thumping against the door and I clutch my knife tightly, raising my arm to prepare for the fatal blow against the next walker that messes with me. I pull open the door quickly, bringing my knife down before me.

I stop. "Carol?" She looks exhausted and malnourished, but she gives her best smile and I feel everything in this world settle again. I drop to my knees and pull her towards me, hugging her tightly. She wraps her arms around my neck weakly and I pull back to look at her.

"Were you bitten?"

She shakes her head. "We lost T-Dog."

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

"What are you talking about?" I pull the door shut, a few glimmers of light appearing from the broken window above us.

"None of this would have happened if…I hadn't separated. I failed you. I failed all of you." She starts crying and doesn't even make an effort to wipe her tears, just slightly tilting her head forward so the tears can slide down her nose. I brush my finger against her cheek, touching her tear-stained face.

"Carol…shut up." She laughs in the midst of her crying, weakly. Her hand touches mine and she leans forward, pressing her forehead against mine gently.

"I knew you'd find me. I knew it would be you." I watch her lips move and I squeeze her hand. She believes in me. If anyone here has the most faith in me, it's her.

"I never would have stopped looking for you. Just like I never would have stopped looking for Sofia." She cries harder at the mention of her daughter's name, but she hugs me, burying her head in my shoulder. I lift her up, carrying her out of the room, and we head to the cell block to where the others are.

"Daryl, I never lost her."

"What do you mean?"

She presses her hand against my chest, tracing the outline of a heart with her nail. "She lives in all of us now. Just like you live in me." She kisses my jaw softly and her head lands on my shoulder, her eyes closed.

Carol was never gone. Even now, Sofia isn't either. Even in a world full of monsters, I feel less alone, because I know everyone we've lost is still with us, somehow, keeping the really bad people away. We're gonna be okay. For now, we're all gonna be okay.


End file.
